Monday, March 21, 2011

THE FEMALE "SEX HANGOVER"

After a night away from the kids with my husband Ken, I woke up the other morning far from home with a sex hangover.  For those of you not familiar with this term, let me explain:

Like in the same way one experiences the delayed aftereffects of drinking too much alcohol in a relatively short period of time; a woman can feel the delayed aftereffects of having too much sex in one night.  Most women experience this sex hangover in their early days of "doing it."  Like in college when our male partner's refractory period was more like 5 minutes instead of 5 hours, or even 5 days for some now after marriage.

Instead of feeling her headache and some nausea and dizziness like from alcohol, a woman's sex hangover is felt it in her vagina primarily, while it extends all throughout her body from there.  The feeling of minor swelling and achiness from vaginal excoriation is what can have us feel like we are walking funny the day after.  In layman's terms (no pun intended), too much friction.

There may also be some puffiness throughout the vulva from her and her partner banging into one another over and over and over.  Although this hurts, it hurts in a GOOD WAY compared to the traditional hangover from alcohol.  Every time she feels the soreness throughout her body, she remembers what she was doing then, to make it feel that way now.  GOOD TIMES.  Typically this only takes a day or two to heal, so if left alone (key here), your girl should be better than ever before you know it.

Often, the sex hangover extends to muscle soreness all throughout the body.  A female partner may have whiplash from bobbing her head up and down for extended periods of time, or over-use of upper body strength from hand-standing and back bending.  Bruising may appear on the forehead from too many accidental encounters with the headboard, and rug burns may show up with no memory of how they could have gotten there.  To top it all off, an intense headache can emerge due to dehydration from so much physical effort - and the dehydration is only exacerbated by the too many to count alcoholic beverages it took her to be going this far to begin with.

The cure for the female sex hangover is cranberry juice, rest, and lots of pampering by her partner.  The man must not only give his girl a break from sex - but also from anything else she doesn't want to do for the next day.

So Ken took me to breakfast, then brought me home, and put me to bed - alone.  The rest of the day he played with the kids, folded some laundry, and let me recover in peace.  For the most part anyway.  Of course my husband Ken is something of a freak of nature when it comes to his sexual appetite - so I would be a liar if I tried to completely sell him as the perfect partner.  Out of the three more times he approached me for sex that day, I successfully turned him down without having to unlock the gun-safe.  That was good, because the last thing I would ever want to experience is a sex hangover in prison.

2 comments:

  1. Sometimes the best way to treat a hangover is hair of the dog. A good ol' second round of bangin' it out may be just the cure for the sex hangover. Just sayin'.

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